Metaphor

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Celebrities were impossibly rare in the city of Henwore.  The town had nothing to attract the rich and famous; no grand museum, no opera house, one modest mall and a handful of streets arcing off the major highway like strings off a banana. But for someone looking to get away – or reconnect with the heartland of America – it was absolutely invaluable.

The arrival of Mona Weirs to Henwore had the entire town tingling. Daughter of the wealthy industrialist William Weirs, she inherited controversy because of the questionable ethics of her father’s business. Nonetheless, after five years of training she was able to temporarily redeem the family’s reputation bringing home the gold at the Olympic gymnastics competition. Her performances during the two ring events have only seen pale imitations.

Though her family’s mansion in northern Washington is at her disposal, Mona insisted she wasn’t interested in that life. She boarded a plane to Henwore desiring to leave the upscale, counterfeit society behind and rediscover humanity. Unwilling to completely abandon the glamorous life, however, she brought to bear the full weight of her father’s reputation for her departure.

Every media outlet in the United States was intimately aware of Mona’s plans: tabloid magazines detailed her itinerary; mainstream television news broadcasted the best angles from her news conference and on the front page of her blog was a heartfelt letter to her fans. The live updates to the blog were handled by a flunkie in her father’s PR division while she relaxed on her private jet.

Nearly all eligible bachelors in Henwore groomed themselves silly in preparation for Mona’s arrival. Some went into spectacular debt buying new clothes, jewelry and taking self-improvement classes. Others took second jobs, worked like mad and hoarded their money, determined to blow the entire nest egg on their first date with her.

That activity was wasted for all of them. Leon Andridas, mayor of Henwore, declared a holiday as the entire population of the town gathered at the local airstrip to welcome the new celebrity. Gingerly stepping out of her white and green plane as though she had finished filming a Vidal Sassoon commercial, Mona threw a broad, glittering smile at the throng of news cameras and assembled townspeople. From a small note card she announced her intention to find a husband, settle down and lead a normal life.

Spying one young man in the crowd who was not immaculately coiffured nor bent double from exhaustion, she bounced briskly down to him, touching the stairs no more than a pebble skipping on a pond.

“Let’s go,” she whispered, enveloping his hands in hers.

Part two next week.

Briefly: Odin Sphere is a wonderful, though occasionaly shallow anime brawler. It’s Kingdom Hearts II for Jordan; a real treat (and thank goodness for the Japanese language track). The only reason Pirates of the Caribbean III exists is to make money, and the only reason to see it is to spend money. I’m really pumped for Forza 2 today and Mario Party 8 on Friday (got extra batteries just for you, Sephiroth). Your usual video game and anime ranting will reappear in a few weeks after this story is finished.