Mast Effect

Monday, November 12, 2007

Lately I've been enjoying the gaming salad bar. A little Metroid, some Forza, and a bit of Darkstar One for color. But the main course starts today. Super Mario Galaxy arrives in "the Americas" on Tuesday, then Crysis and Assassin's Creed on Wednesday. I was able to shove Need for Speed Prostreet off my schedule after hearing the phrase "compete at the highest level of street racing" about twenty times in their four promotional videos. And the fact that the demo sucked.

I will admit that Rock Band has my interest again, at least after learning that Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld is a playable track. My chances of scoring a copy this late are essentially zero, but I'm keeping my eyes open. And then there's Mass Effect which I am looking forward to, lesbian love scene or not.

"Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men."

Getting back into Forza has been a humiliating process. I left the game at what you might charitably call the peak of my career. I had nearly every track memorized, I could tune my cars to an inch of their life and I drove the game without any braking aids on hard difficulty. And won, consistently. After a three month absence from the sport I have returned like a stroke victim taking his first steps. My cars all look foreign to me. The tracks have bumps I don't remember. I can get by on average difficulty and the braking line turned on, but I have this unfortunate habit of flubbing the last lap and headbutting a wall. What's worse is that I left halfway through the official difficulty curve, so grandpa here is stretching his wrinkly legs in high performance S-class cars during races with names like "The Ultimate Tuner Challenge." All I want right now is a Cooper Mini and a AAA card, all right? When I'm capable of handling a mustang that doesn't run on oats I'll be ready to play for keeps.

Metroid in all its forms is pissing me off. In Metroid Prime 3 I feel like a child sleepwalking through Big People's World. For all the legendary Metroid complexity you can still do fine by moving in a straight line and looking for a platform to jump to. If you haven't been somewhere before then you're definitely going the right way. There are lots of things to scan and some crazy level geometry, but it feels like window dressing on top of the bland rotating map. My journey through what I expected to be the deadly Space Pirate homeworld has so far been a cakewalk. Um, except for the acid rain that kills me in less than five seconds.

And then there's the SNES Super Metroid, a classic example of the expression "remember when games were hard?" In Super Metroid you will frequently find yourself in alien mine shafts with six different doors to choose from. Two doors will be filled with RapidDeath™ brand lava. One will recharge your energy but not your missiles. Another will reveal a tiny room with a metal gate that you can't open. And the final two doors will be some crazy color like orange or green that you can't open right now because you're out of super missiles and the orange door doesn't respond to anything. It does a great job of making you feel like you're stranded on an alien world with no friends, dreams or love. So yeah, Super Metroid has been doing wonders for my mood.

The anime I've been gathering from Netflix hasn't been any better. Burst Angel is terrible, Gravion Zwei is worse, and Demon Prince Enma... is actually pretty scary and well written. Turns out it's part of the "blood and sex" genre I had heard about but never experienced. And have had enough of already. Moving on.

The return to normal time has been a boon for me. That illusory extra hour allows me to eat a real breakfast before I go to work. The fact that I actually enjoy my job now may have something to do with it too. It's a true Jordan-style "what is this cooking you speak of" breakfast: two eggs sunny-side up, a piece of toast with jelly, and two slices of bacon. I even have time to wash the dishes before I leave. Given that what I do when I get home is play video games I'm not quite healthy, wealthy or wise yet, but it's a start.