Machine wash cold

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Okay, so Bleach is no good. The show has collapsed under the weight of its own artificially imposed back story. Which is to say, the show runs for 114+ freaking episodes! I'm normally not squeamish about long series; I would never have picked up the Uplift Saga if I was. But when it comes to anime, the length makes the writers lazy. I'll at least give Bleach credit for not particularly looking like an Unlimited Saga; they have a monster-of-the-week, sure, but usually the conflict isn't resolved in a single episode. I also adore Rukia, Ichigo's androgynous sidekick. Her crayon drawings are practically worth the price of admission.

The key word here being practically. In return for the non-standard hero Ichigo and his feisty companion you have to put up with the most forced emotional situations I've ever seen. They are extracting tears from the viewer with the jaws of life rather than a sterilized syringe. It reminds me of the "counter" in Mahoromatic. In that show you have a robot maid (Mahoro) who is pretty, kind, sweet, and all sorts of other positive qualities. The problem is that she runs on a, I dunno, first generation lithium ion battery or something. When the battery goes out, she does too (and you can't send her to Apple for a replacement). So at the end of every episode the screen fades to black and you get a somber message reminding you that "Mahoro stops functioning in... 378 days" or something.

Bleach does that kind of crap all the time. I can't even get into examples without spending half a page describing each one. So far all they want is to make me feel emotions for these characters I met just five seconds ago. Or make me hate the poorly drawn "Hollows" that Ichigo has to fight. These things look like an eight year old's rendition of an Angel from Evangelion (which seem rather shabby themselves now that I take a second look). They have a skull mask and some kind of vaguely drawn torso that's a bland greenish color. Oh, and where their heart should be is a hole, like a donut. I GET IT, Shonen Jump. Just skip this weepy crap and give me more episodes of Rukia's Drawings That Explain Everything.

Or not; I won't be continuing Bleach. Green Green is still good. And still the most disturbing example of Japanese sexuality I have come across... uh, and that I can reasonably describe on this blog.

Again, or not. At least Green Green is true to its nature: boys + girls = trouble. I've yet to even glance at Spiral or Sayuki Reload that I rented. My hopes are not very high after all this.

Lists are my thing now. Maybe they've always been my thing, but I'm making more lists now. Exciting lists like: Stuff To Do or Groceries. Or my current hurdle, Games to Play. I think I have more games to finish now than I've ever had prior to college. I got Call of Duty 3 from GameFly, thinking I only had a few more levels to finish in the British campaign in Call of Duty 2 (which I own). Nope! After the British campaign is yet another stretch as the Americans! I think I've wiped out the entire population of Germany by now in that game. Will there be anybody in Europe left to kill in the third version?

Final Fantasy VI is still a fantastic game after all these years. They actually left a lot of dialogue untouched. I was surprised... and also a little horrified that I remember the dialogue of a 13 year-old game perfectly. The scene where the guards beat Celes in South Figaro was removed, but I guess I can live with that. The real surprise was that they redid the opera house scene and improved it. The poor little GBA can't really play back human speech, but the words match the tune almost exactly. Imagine me sitting in bed, two pillows under my head, mouthing along the words to a synthesized tune on this tiny tiny screen. Adorably pathetic, I'd like to think.

We still have a ways to go in Super Mario World, a looong ways to go in both Wii Zeldas, and I still need to pick up Wii Play one of these days. Maybe I'll make a list to do just that.