I guess all we have is killing

November 19, 2007

This is a holiday gaming season to remember even more than the Wii launch window. Multiple AAA titles released in the same month, several on the same day. Super Mario Galaxy, Assassin's Creed and Crysis are all here and they all rock very, very hard. Four stars all around, though Assassin's Creed and Crysis hang on to that score by their fingertips. Every title has some bizarre flaw that ranges from the insane oversight to the core design problem. Join me on this triple review session, won't you?

First up is Super Mario Galaxy, exclusive to the Wii. It's a 3D Mario game, just like Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Sunshine, but the hook this time is that it takes place in outer space. You'll be running all around "planets" that are not much bigger than a house, or are shaped like Yoshi's head or some other twisted design. And you will be having the time of your life.

Super Mario Galaxy is pure joy. That simple. The game radiates happiness in all things. For one, it doesn't start up with half a dozen unskippable partner logos, although you do have to sit through five seconds of the usual "do not jam the Wii remote up your urethra" idiocy. It also does the best load time masking I've ever seen. Honestly I can't even tell how they're doing it, unless the levels are like ten megs each or they've been holding secrets of the Wii from other developers. Press a button, fade to black, then watch Mario zoom to the fully loaded galaxy. Finally, the frame rate is always a crisp 60 frames per second. I'm guessing this is a mandatory condition of using the Wii remote as a pointer on the screen: Metroid Prime 3 also runs at that steady clip and uses Wii remote pointing exclusively. Anything less than 60 fps would break Nintendo's illusion.

I'd like to meet the reviewers who complain about Galaxy's graphics, even in comparison to Xbox 360 and PS3 titles. Then again, maybe I wouldn't: I don't like meeting people who insist on unhappiness. The graphics in this game are simply phenomenal. Mario is fully realized, lit by moving light sources, and walks on surfaces adorned with crystal clear textures. Even Bowser got his hair done; it blows in the solar wind. Every enemy animates beautifully and there is just so much activity on the screen that it's almost overwhelming. You will constantly be amazed by the creativity and design talent you see expressed in the levels, characters and sound effects. My favorite are the orange launch stars that send Mario to a new section of the level. He blasts off and zooms around  the environment like he's having the time of his life. The mood rubs off on you quickly. There's even an adorable storybook in the game. I was dismissive at first, but the music that plays during the tale will cause even the grinchiest of us to break down in tears.

Balancing a non-combat platformer like Mario is tricky, but Galaxy has a smooth curve. It starts off nice and gentle and goes up at a leisurely pace. Then you turn off the Wii, go do something else, come back, and the difficulty spikes. Why? Not because you've forgotten how to play, but because the damn game doesn't rememeber how many extra lives you had! Sorry, had to get that off my chest. No matter how many coins or green mushrooms you collect you'll always start with four extra lives. You do retain all of your star bits - the new currency in Galaxy - but they're only useful as a tool to sporadically unlock an extra world. I'm thinking Nintendo did this to keep the challenge up, as the number of hits Mario can take is also down from eight to three. I'm with them on the latter change, but the artificially imposed scarcity of extra lives feels unnecessary.

Like all Super Mario Galaxy reviews, it's time to mention the camera. They did absolutely the best job imaginable. I can count on one hand the number of times I didn't feel I got the best angle or fudged a jump for a reason other than my general suckitude. No complaints there. Where I do have complaints is actually the controls, but I can't even conceive of a solution. Here's the deal: when you're walking on the surface of, say, an apple, up and down function how you expect. Now jump from the top of that apple to the bottom of a nearby orange. Mario's upside-down, but the controls may not be reversed. When you go from one structure to another you always have to spend a few seconds to get your bearings. I can't fault Nintendo for this because I don't really know how you could improve the situation without rewiring the human brain.

"No, no Marty: you're not thinking fourth-dimensionally."

Assassin's Creed has been dangled in front of us for so many years I'm honestly surprised it came out at all. You play as Altaïr, an 11th century assassin operating in the Middle East. Travel to Damascus, Jerusalem and some place called Acre, meet the people, walk amongst the crowds and assassinate nearly anyone you please.

The game shines in the travel and crowd walking parts. The countryside between the cities is gorgeous: filled with little towns, towers and ranches, it looks like a real place. You get to explore it on a lovely horse who would be the finest equine companion in gaming if not for Agro in Shadow of the Colossus. Your horse (or rather, anyone's horse, as nobody seems to care when you jack a ride) animates perfectly, handles like a dream and follows you around if you go on foot. This leads to hysterically awkward situations as I jump into a haystack to evade the guards and watch my horse daintily trot up to my hiding spot, his nose pointing right at me. These Barney Fifes of Arabia don't get the hint, nor do they notice the guy walking past them spewing a trail of hay.

Prepare to be impressed when you reach a major city. These things are simply immense, far larger than any level I've ever experienced and once the training wheels come off you get to explore every inch. People crowd the streets, carrying pots, armed with swords, and even begging for money in a remarkably aggressive fashion. I'm always the nice guy in "moral choice" games, so it breaks my heart that I can't give the poor beggar ladies the few coins they ask for.  You can deal with the crowds however you please: push them gently away, grab and shove 'em, or use your wrist blade for some quiet kills. If you're really feeling stupid you can even bust out the short sword and chop citizens down like grass, although the city guards tend to find something objectionable about that.

Like I said, you can go anywhere in Assassin's Creed. Just run up to a wall and Altaïr will climb it. Climbing, running and jumping animations are peerless: Altaïr makes Lara Croft look like Mr. Game and Watch. You will be running around rooftops for the sheer pleasure of watching your character effortlessly find handholds, trellises and windows and haul himself up. One of the game's goals has to be to make you feel like a professional assassin, and in that regard it's mission accomplished. Moving through crowds is a delightful surprise: just hold the B button and Altaïr gently pushes people aside. He actually puts his hand on their shoulder, twists his body slightly, and flows through any crowd. It's not as seamless as the climbing, unfortunately, as people will do loops, get caught up in bunches, and sometimes just spaz out. But for a "walking around" simulation, this is now the one to beat. Now that I've got the hang of it I've turned off the interface completely, navigating the cities by sound and looking for high perches to climb.

Sounds great, right? If Assassin's Creed were some kind of Oblivion clone I might have less to bitch about (but considering the actual Oblivion clone Two Worlds is a pile of crap, I could be wrong). The charge against this game is excessive repetition. Present the evidence. Yes, your honor. When you reach these carefully constructed cities you'll be barred from entry by the guards. Thus you have two choices: either run through them and have your first taste of metropolitan life be that of the fugitive in an unknown land, or save an old man from being bullied by guards and sneak in with some peaceful scholars. This works great the first time but becomes instantly contrived when every city you visit has a convenient old man to rescue. He's always there, being tossed between the guards like a wrinkled hackey sack.

Once you've fulfilled your old man quota you enter the city and find a tower to perch atop. This reveals the location of the Assassin's Bureau and whatever secondary missions are in range of your perch. Go to the bureau, get the name of your mark and complete two missions like pick pocketing, eavesdropping or intimidation and you're cleared to make the hit. On Ubisoft's design document this probably looked great, but in practice it tires quickly. All eavesdropping missions are identical: find the spot on your map, sit down at a bench, lock on to your target and press Y. You'll hear some dialogue that may or may not be related to your mark, and then you're on your way. The game has some amusing distractions like the informer assassination requests and the daunting pervasive flag hunt, but a lot of it feels too similar. Save a woman from the guards and she'll say one of two responses. Save a man and he says one of three. There are probably fifty rescue instances in the entire game and you're going to hear repeats before you leave the first major city. I never complained about the lack of voice actor or dialog variety in Oblivion because I knew that was as good as it could reasonably get, and Assassin's Creed proves me right.

Gabe from Penny Arcade says this feeling of repetition is caused by people rushing through the game to meet a deadline, but I'm not convinced. I've been creeping along like Captain Slow from Slowtown (they can't all be the theory of relativity, okay?) and I get terminally bored if I play longer than an hour. All the citizen rescue efforts feel the same. So do the intimidation missions: listen to speech, lock on target, follow into shadows, hit guy with fists exactly four times and listen to his spiel. And then there are the dreadful assassinations themselves. Here is a pure example of irony: a game called "Assassin's Creed" has terrible assassination sequences. Once you complete the two required missions you go back to the bureau leader and tell him how you intend to carry out your hit. That is to say, Altaïr tells him. Somehow by grabbing a letter from one guy and listening to some other guy you have enough information to judge when the most wanted man in the city will be at his weakest. I couldn't buy this part at all: I wanted to observe the target from the rooftops, follow him around incognito, then exploit a hole in his security and strike. Instead I get a marker forced on my map and usually have to take out this jerk in an enclosed area where slaves or deranged mental patients push me around. In my mind I pictured a swords and daggers version of Hitman, but instead you kill major targets with all the linearity of a Gordon Freeman boss encounter.

Once the target's dead you have to escape from his inner sanctum with the city guard in hot pursuit. I'd like to say this is easier said than done, but the city guards are a dim lot. Obviously Captain Vimes isn't in charge: when you scale a building that counts as being out of sight. If you're lucky there'll be a covered patio thing you can dive into. That counts as "hiding". The guards who were following you up the ladder apparently think, "I was chasing a guy five feet in front of me, but now I don't see him. I'd better not check any nearby structures to see if he's hiding." If you opt for a street level escape you can hide on a bench. The guards race by you, totally oblivious to the guy in the white suit carrying a short sword and half a dozen throwing knives that they were pursuing just two seconds earlier. Not the deepest stealth game I've ever played, but it'll do.

I was really worried about the combat in Assassin's Creed; most games that don't focus exclusively on killing tend to be disappointing murder simulations. Hi mom! Anyway, this game uses a one-button combat system that seems to be timing based. No combos: just tap X as your sword lands to keep attacking. You can grab and throw as well as do counter moves. It's easy to play but only medium difficulty to master. I felt pretty proud of getting the counter moves early, but I can't really tell when my "quick kill" moves are working. The result is that you'll start combat by tapping X furiously, then hold the right trigger to block, occasionally tap X again to counter and B to grab or break enemy grabs. It looks fantastic (and what's more, authentic) but you can tell they had more fun doing motion capture than tuning the fighting engine.

Last on my list (and the only one I've finished) is Crysis, the reason to own a gaming computer nowadays. Two things: Crysis is awesome and I was right. This is a fantesticle adventure, no doubt about it. Sample conversations:

Psycho: "Nomad, there are two tanks approaching our position. Take them out!"
Nomad (you): "I'm on it."

Commander: "We're pinned down by those AA guns. This may be a suicide mission, but I need somebody to go in there and take them out!"
Nomad: "I'm on it, sir."

If there's one thing Nomad likes more than blowing things up, it's blowing things up while everyone else takes five. The tanks approach while Psycho is chilling with the scientist lady you just rescued. Commander Whats-his-face gets to sit back and relax on the hill while you infiltrate an enemy harbor and blow up three anti-air guns. Prophet busts that same scientist out of a downed chopper while you cover him and eliminate the invading aliens.

"We've got killing, and... well, I guess all we have is killing."

Here's the thing that wierds me out: Crysis lets you do one thing in many ways and is not repetitive, while Assassin's Creed lets you do many things in one or two ways and is repetitive. It feels like twisted logic until you play both games. Doctor Seuss could write a horrifying book on the gameplay variety in Crysis.

You can kill them with a gun. You can kill them in the sun.
You can kill them with a boat. You can grab them by the throat.
You can snipe them in the head. You can smoosh them when they're dead.
You can fly a great big jet. But you ain't seen nothing yet!
Go inside the alien ship. Use a freeze gun, it won't slip.
Be a hero: escort mission. Push control rods: restrain fission.
Big finale: destroy warship. Sequel coming: what a gyp.

To which my mother replies:

I will not kill them with a gun. I do not find this murder fun.
I do not want to shoot their face. How about a nice car race?
You have a boat there in the lake. Where's the fish? The bugs? The snake?
I do not like this zero gee. It's dark in there and hard to see.
Now it's frozen? Wintry land. I'd rather go play in the sand.
I will not play this, Jordan Roher. Put on your headphones, close the door.

That badass suit is really what makes Crysis awesome. Being able to cloak is a huge gameplay modifier: you can now actually get in position without crawling through the dirt for five minutes. Just toggle on cloak, sprint across the enemy's field of vision, then turn it off and fire away. I had an absolute blast invading the harbor, sinking the carrier, piloting a tank in a massive battle, and even taking to the skies on a VTOL plane. There were tornadoes that you had to avoid and alien squid things to shoot down. If Half-Life 2 was 1984: The Game, Crysis is surely Die Hard: The Game That Doesn't Suck For Real This Time.

Sadly, all this awesomeness comes at the expense of what you might charitably call some hilarious physics bugs. I threw a grenade under a tank and watched it go airborne... and stay there, at least fifty feet in the air, drifting on a plume of smoke. Every half hour one piece of scenery would go rogue and cover half the screen when I looked in a certain angle. The game would also lock up for thirty seconds at a time or freeze completely. The missions aren't broken, but you'll want to make sure you save often in case it decides to freak out on you.

All together these three games have made me a happy panda. I can play Mario when I want to feel peppy, Assassin's Creed to calm me down, and Crysis to use that focus to bust some heads. Mass Effect arrives today to great rejoicing all around. Stay tuned for my inevitable "teh game is awsum!" explosion, and perhaps news on whether or not I could score a copy of Rock Band.